The only one I can say this to
by rowan walls
Summary: Awake in the middle of the night, it's funny how being surrounded by a large family can make one feel more lonely. A conversation with Molly helps.


The only one I can say this to

Harry sat by the window resting his head against the cold glass as he stared out into the dark night. By daylight his view would have been the garden of the burrows, one of his most favorite places in the world.

By night it was too dark to see so he just replayed his memories of the fun they had had that day. Four red headed children had raced around on broomsticks in the sky, laughing, playing and taunting each other. It had been a perfect family moment and it had made his heart ache a little bit.

At meals the large family all crowded around talking over each other but also instinctively knowing what the other person might want, passing bread or refilling a cup without the request being needed. He was right in the middle of it, included, enjoyed, this was the only place where he felt like he belonged to a family. And he loved each and every member in his own way.

Sometimes it stung to think that they would all be the same together even if he wasn't around, that this perfect family didn't need him as much as he needed them. Occasionally (not often), but occasionally he felt like he was intruding, and it was these thoughts, of how his own family could have been that kept him awake this night.

He knew well with in his heart that it would always be denied from him. The family he craved had slipped away before he could even grasp the concept, and it made him ache inside.

A creak on the stairs and the soft steady flap flap flap of well-worn slippers hitting each step made him turn.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you" He said as Mrs. Weasley descended into view.

"It's alright dear. I always know when one of my children is out of bed. One has to keep her senses sharp with the likes of Fred and George running around am I right? I just came to check on you. Couldn't sleep?"

In all his life Harry could not remember a single time when someone had ever checked on him in the middle of the night. (He didn't know that Ron did it at school).

"Ya it's ….. Um I've got a lot on my mind you know?"

She chuckled softly and moved to sit beside him before taking his hand and holding it in her small but warm and strong one.

"Yes I can see that." She flashed him a small smile and she didn't press him any further. Not asking how he was, what he needed, what she can do etc. She was just there with him offering her support in another way. After a bit she let his hand go patted his knee and rose up again.

"I'll be off to bed then good night dear." She rose and putting her hand on the back of his head ran her fingers through his unruly hair and pulled him a bit to place a kiss on the top of his head.

Harry felt a silent sob building up in his throat and he rapidly blinked back tears, that he would never let fall. He heard her slippers shuffle as she moved away from him and a small panic shivered his body. He suddenly felt he could tell her what he wanted to say.

"Mrs. Weasley?" the question in his voice called after her.

She turned with a small smile and tilted her head

"Yes Dear?"

"I um" he stammered now, feeling unsure about what he actually wanted to say. Was it his place? Did he even have a right?

She didn't rush him or question more she simple stood smiling waiting.

"I need to tell you something, and I'm not sure if I should say it. I mean I want to tell you I just don't want to change anything you know? I don't want you to think badly of me or anything. And I've never said this out loud to another living soul. But you are the only one alive I feel I can say this to or want to say this too" he was babbling now and he looked down and blushed as he stared at his bare toes.

He looked up at her. She stood patiently waiting with the same small smile.

"I just need to say it once in my life, you know?" her eyebrows lifted a bit and she nodded.

"Ok…ok" Harry said in a small voice to himself. He took a deep breath he squared his shoulders and he looked directly in her eyes.

He paused again as the air around then seemed to go suddenly quite still…

"Mom?" he said with a broken voice it came out more like a question and he pressed his lips tensely together fighting tears. He heard her gasp and she opened her arms, stepping forward to envelop him in a tight hug.

"Yes! Oh my boy, my boy. I am honored" she pet his head over and over again as he let the torrent loose and sobbed against her chest as she rocked him "I love you so"

Something shifted inside Harry and a dark aching throb that had always been there lessened a bit.

She felt the tension go out of him.

"Come now dear off to bed" she walked holding him still with an arm around his shoulders "You need your rest".

He gave her a watery smile as she kissed both of his cheeks and then gave him a nudge up the stairs.

That night Harry slept soundly for the first time in a long time.


End file.
